66 days to be a calmer parent: ‘I’m sure this will be very easy’ | Parents and parenting

The father became quieter at the top of the list of my life goals – but then became the most powerful, and I never raised dumbbells.

I have two young children, one is five and another 18 months. One calls physically and the other emotionally. The morning often begins at about 5.30 am, as the size of the “mummmmmmy” shirt determines the starting pistol for the daily race to get out of the entire clothing house and feed at least partially. Sometimes, it seems almost easy, but in other days, each step is met towards our front door with a road barrier and I feel increasingly frustrated until I move and scream, and the fastest young people from the door and reach work.

Often when my daughter was angry or mood, I was concerned that she was a sign of a greater behavior direction that I had to stop and reform immediately.

I want to communicate with my children in a way that keeps our families calm or at least calm. I want to be able to ride road barriers.

Is the goal of preserving a calm mind in moments that lead to my great unrealistic feelings? I think it is worth a snapshot.

First week

Before starting, I asked for the guidance of the psychologist Dr. Leah Watermers.

“Where do I start?” I asked.

“The first thing you think is … What do you want to achieve?” She says. We are conditional on the belief that the creation of the change revolves around negative removal. But new psychology says we are more effective when we do the so -called approach. So, through the conditions of the average man, it is not about saying, “I will stop this behavior”, it is about saying “I will start doing this new thing instead.”

This seems very clear. It is completely logical. So when my children don’t wear after they were asked 48 times, instead of getting more frustration and more height, I will choose to stop a moment, slow down and know another way to communicate. I’m sure this will be very easy.

Second week

With the chat from Waters Fresh in my mind, on Wednesday afternoon – during a beautiful period called “Watch Hour” – the elderly was kicking over and repeatedly from my car seat while I was driving my car. I cannot lie, I am sure that there was several times as I threatened to stop the car and sit there until it stopped, even if we had to wait until the dark.

But this day, with high blood pressure, breathed five seconds, held for five seconds, then breathed for five seconds. The shift in my feelings was quickly. Breathing gave me time to treat what I was about to say and decide how I would interact. This time I quietly said: “My love, I am sorry because the song I chose was from the first soundtrack from Moana is not the second, but kicking the car seat is dangerous and we cannot drive home until it stops.“Have you stopped?

Third week

The water explained that the other main side of paternity and motherhood is quieter, including choosing your moments. This means that these big conversations about behavior when your child already enjoys the ability to hear them. So when my older daughter suffers from collapse on the color of the incorrect bowl at 6.30 am, I chose to stop her and postpone the discussion about the benefits of speaking to her parents politely until another time. We move from a light blue bowl to the favorite pink, and it is quickly consumed while preparing to prepare for work. This is an easy victory.

It seems that I am not forced to fix everything at all times, and hold these conversations when I feel nervous only does not work anyway.

Fourth week

Christmas was speeding me like a shipping train. The tensions were high in our house, with a young child finely and the last day of daytime sponsorship waving on the horizon for us the greatest. Moments of fatigue and frustration means that I have not taken any Zen chances. My lack of patience means that I was quickly screaming when I felt things out of my control and I was the fastest girls more than ever. To say that I gave up a “quiet paternity” that will be underestimated.

Fifth week

This was the week of New Year’s Eve. For some, it is time to think about the past 12 months; For parents of young children, it’s time to ask where exactly the months went. The pace of the year always shocked me and before I know that, I am more than mid -road during the challenge for 66 days.

As chaos at Christmas and a more relaxed atmosphere on our place, I decided to be more present for my children. From playing roles to reading books, I was aiming to give them time every day to allow them to dictate what we did for short periods. This is something that Dr. Becky Kennedy talks about about the famous paternity podcast and motherhood at home: it comes to calling. If your child feels and heard it, it is unlikely that they feel that they need to pay attention, as it indicates.

He did this in some days and not others, but I always realized this after the truth. I would like to say to myself, “Oh my God, she feels very comfortable this afternoon,” and often reflects later that the time he spent earlier that day allowed her to feel love and watch.

Sixth and seven weeks

The water made it clear to me that there is always a braid before behavior. For example, if the behavior does not listen to your requests, the signal may have rushed in the morning.

It allows you to realize those moments that cause the increasing conflict or emotions to change the braid and thus prevent the reaction.

It seems that preparation in the morning is a global conflict. They wanted to wear all the five skirts on top of each other, and their shoes never fit, hairdressing hairdresser, tears and conflict is common. Even these weeks focused on working with my children to choose clothes the night before. I was surprised: This small change had an immediate effect, because the decision of the clothes was taken during a quiet period. This small achievement allowed me to reach work without feeling as if I had completed complex hostages before 8:30 am.

Eighth week

After eight weeks and I am like the little engine that can: “I think I can.” One of my greatest defects is the inability to stick to customs. I focus this week on keeping it simple, only breathing in trying moments and what I already taught. I want to include some of these simple steps in the long run.

Often when the rush is, I faster to reject my children’s requests and complaints as wandering. A large part of this trip is to allow my daughters to hear. I start noticing that when I go to their level, look at them and take a conversation seriously, their reaction is softer and I understand what they already need at that moment.

Ninth week

One of the things that the water has confirmed when we talked at the beginning of this is the need for self -thinking, to ask yourself as a father: “What makes me respond like this?” She explained that addressing your reactions is important, such as addressing the behavior of the child. Do you create a course where your position gets certain reactions? What was causing me to go to a whirlpool when my daughter was an anger on socks?

I stop and take a breath and decide to blame my mother.

the end

What I really wanted when I started in this challenge was to give up the feeling that if there is something wrong, it should be fixed – and that I was the person who had to fix it. I now have some other tools to be able to reach and respond to difficult moments – instead of throwing each challenge because “this is part of a bigger problem.”

These nine weeks have not mainly changed my experience in paternity and motherhood; I still ride the emotional rotation. On the whole, it was incredibly attention to attention. Over time, these smaller changes will meet together, and a greater change will appear.