The one change that worked: I stood up to my inner critic and I’ve never looked back | Life and style

I I hope to say that if my teenager has a window on the future, you will be proud of the person you have become. But, in fact, I think it will stay for me as much as I did not like herself. At that time, I could talk for hours about all the reasons that I hated the person I was. This was nothing that I thought would change. I used to be consumed by the inner critic: the critical voice in my head was much higher than any rational ideas or confirmation words offered to others.

I had an eating disorder. Every day it was a monotonous course of exercising as much as possible and eating the least that you could get away with. I was miserable, and everything was because of the cage that I built in my mind. This is not a unique thing for people with eating disorders. After sharing my story online, I realized that many people have this uncommon voice in their heads, and they criticized every step. This is when you start speaking, your life improves in ways that you do not expect.

Before I know that I was under the control by my internal critic, I took everything he said as a fact. My appreciation was very low. I was standing in front of the mirror and a barrage will start from insults: ugly, fat, useless, unpleasant, intermittent, disgusting. If someone had told me these words every day, then I am sure that I would have identified them as bullying. But coming from my mind, they felt justified and accurate.

But one day, I stand in front of the Numi room mirror, I realized that this is just a voice. This voice that took this happiness to remind me of the extent of my isolation, was not actually my own. It was a separate entity for me. Suddenly, everything changed. Every time I noticed that my internal critic is calling me lazy and unending, I started sticking to myself. I would like to say to myself: “Actually, you don’t need to do anything now, I deserve comfort.” If it calls me ugly, then I remember myself that I do not need to be hard for myself.

Over the past five years, I tried hard to say nice things about myself in my head until he felt talking about the neutral soul. It is painful to know how nice I was to myself. I feel incredibly sad for this version of me.

Although I still have to remember myself not to be lucky, my inner critic has slipped. Treatment and session helped me find joy in self -acceptance. I can make a mistake, and instead of reprimanding myself, I can reassure myself. I no longer imitate myself to satisfy my internal critic, I learned to defend myself. I now know that you just think that something does not make it right.

How to talk to yourself by Ro Mitchell is published by Bluebird. To support the guardian’s request for your copy in Guardianbookshop.com. Delivery fees may apply.