Sometimes the most important relationships are the most difficult to maintain. If it fell from the correct path – and Many people who were close to before– You can find your way to each other with time and effort. “I have a lot of customers who tense emotional relationships,” says Jenny Shelds, the psychologist and ethics of Houston. One of the most common abstaining you hear: “I used to be very close to my mother or my father, and now I don’t even know how to talk to them in a happy and healthy way.”
If you want to rebuild and reconnect, you suggest Shields to start asking the other person on these five questions.
1. “What kind of relationship do you want us to build from here?”
Shields remembers the agents who thought that their parents were completely satisfied with the medium gap between them – just to discover that my mother or my father did not know how to express that they were actually eager to get a closer bond. Until you talk about what you want from your relationship, you are separated from any assumptions. Once you move your intentions, work to put what Shields describes as a “future game plan”, or a way to ensure that both remain devoted to reviving the relationship. “If you do not plan,” good intentions collapse. “
2. “What is the custom that we hope to continue training?”
Perhaps you can pledge to be less defensive, while your mother pledged not to give unwanted advice and your father is committed to asking questions actually. Shields says that talking about specific behaviors to give priority “recognize humanity in us.” “It is modest,” I don’t always get this correctly, nor you, and sometimes we will stumble. ”
Read more: 10 questions to ask your parents while you can still
However, you will continue to seek to improve. “We have a space for growth, and we want to grow, because having a close relationship is important for us.”
3.
Stay in contact is difficult even for those who are most dedicated to it. It may be useful to speak through the communication care methods that you feel implemented – this does not necessarily mean a scheduled phone call or video chat. Perhaps you can go on a picnic every Sunday morning, cooperate in the joint Spotify operating menu, or read the same book at the same time once a month.
Make sure that what you choose feels loyal and glory on both sides, as this will help ensure permanent gains in rapprochement.
4. “What is the only thing you did this week that helped you feel vision or understand?”
There are things that each of us (we think) let us know that we care. But are they the correct use of our time and energy? There is one way to find out this: Ask a member of your family about what they appreciate, as Shields suggest, then give priority to doing more of them.
Read more: 9 ways to place healthy boundaries with your parents
This may mean that you remember to ask your sister how to offer her at work, complete your mother’s cooking, or offer your grandchildren so that their fathers can spend a night in themselves.
5.
Inevitably, time, space and other obstacles will start getting rid of your relationships. “Life happens, things are on the way, and there will be conflict and tension, because we are human,” says Shields.
I acknowledge that – and you make it clear that you are interested in each other and commit to being in the life of each other. Remember your friend or family member that difficult times are a normal part of healthy relationships, then it occurs through how to move in it in the future.
I wonder what to say in a difficult social situation? Send an email to Timtotalk@time.com
