Is it true that I ‘don’t get angry’? Or am I actually dangerously suppressing it? | Well actually

My friends and I sometimes arrange the seven deadly sins in terms of personal importance. For me, “anger” always comes finally. (I do not say what is the first – reveals too.)

Anger is not shown in my daily life. I even struggle to feel angry when it’s appropriate. Global events make me fatal and depressed; When the gym coaches say “leave” on the ski machine, my best remains constant. The time you visited AngerMy main meals were that the Metallica song that I chose as the soundtrack looked great on big speakers.

This may seem good: rarely believed to be positive or fruitful. But is it true that I am not angry – or is I really good in suppressing it?

“WSam Parker, one of the senior editors of GQ British GQ, author GQ book, author GQ book, Bitish GQ book author, Bitish GQ book author, Bitish GQ book author, Bitish GQ, author of Bitish GQ, says: Good anger: How can a re -think of changing our lives.

Parker wrote the book “For People who turn to people, conflict and self -disparity employees”, and extracts from scientific research, his own experience, interviews with therapists and other experts.

He used to believe that “the only people who suffer from anger are the people who have continued to enter battles and arguments, and lose their nerves,” as Parker told me. “I had this idea that I was going beyond anger in one way or another, or it was not useful for me.”

It was struggled with anxiety. When he reached an approximate area in his thirties, Parker tried to yoga, meditate, gratitude in the daily and even cold shower. What succeeded? boxing.

Two months later, while leaving it on the bag, Parker was unexpectedly overcome due to emotion, which is enough to moisturize his eyes. “For the first time in months, I was not sad or worried,” he wrote. “I was angry.”

With the passage of time, I got out: “Whenever I realize anger at myself, I talked about it, treat it, and I acted on it in the end, the more my anxiety decreases.”

After this diving feast, Parker learned that there is a solid scientific link between anger and anxiety-it was not widely recognized.

For him, he represents an important supervision of mental health conversation. Anger is normal like sadness, fear, happiness, or disgust – but it is often left outside the image.

Parker explains, in part of it, it is a language problem. “In English, we mix” anger “with” aggression “or even” violence “, as if it were the same.”

But they are very difficult feelings to experience and be around. Even psychiatric therapists may avoid publicly assuming angry patients, learn Parker in searching for his book.

Whether in pop or academic research, “through the spectrum, anger is a kind of neglect,” he says.

Parker wrote a good anger in the hope of reformulating feelings, helping others understand and experience and express them in a different way. Anger is constantly seen as negative: “We tend to avoid talking about it completely until He says, “I have boiled in aggression.” This can double shame and stigma.

“Often, aggressive behavior is an option to offer,” says Parker. But the emotion itself is legitimate, it is present to protect us – it often has something insightful to say.

He says: “We tend to think that anger tells us something about others: how unreasonable they are, and how they get out of us, and why are they stupid … often, it indicates to us a need or an incomplete event from the past.”

When anger is not only part of the balanced emotional mixture – it can also be a “real source of design, vitality and clarity”, says Parker, indicating to us about what we appreciate and motivate us.

When he finally confessed and began compatible with his inherent anger, “it was when I started seeing the real benefits.”

Right Parker: It is not really accurate for me to say, “I never get angry.” I just avoid recognizing it, or calling it something more acceptable, such as irritation or disappointment.

I link this aversion to adolescence, when I was often angry, I went out in my family and I feel uncomfortable with control.

But I learn from Parker’s book, because an angry teenager does not necessarily make me angry. There are actually two types of anger.

“The wrath of the features” is rooted and individual, affected by heredity and the environment. The presence of loud features means that you are faster than others to fly the handle. “The wrath of the state”, on the other hand, is temporary, caused by frustration or the perceived threat.

“Nobody escapes from the anger of the state,” says Parker. The question is, how to express it usually? The angry researchers distinguish between “anger” and “anger in”: external emotion through physical or verbal aggression, in exchange for seeking to contain it, and thus converting it into.

Parker says that the first may be more familiar with it (and the most difficult to ignore it, but the crowd “anger” suffers in silence. Such containment is not sustainable and can carry a high personal cost: “deferred anger is a double anger.”

Parker says that refusing to recognize anger may make people sick. CortisolStress hormone. However, not everyone is free to express it.

Women and girls are socially social to swallow anger and preserve peace. Many told Parker their instinctive response to anger is crying. For those whose stereotypes “angry black women” are installed, mobility in emotion Even more fraught.

Although children generally feel more compatible and have anger, “they do not learn to be curious about what is around their anger, and what they must do with it,” says Parker.

The healthy relationship with anger requires active and open participation – it does not deny its existence and does not allow it to run the show. For example, she told the left and author, Ash Sarkar Parker about learning to understand her anger and harness as a protected response to racist and sexual attacks. But achieving such existence takes time and practice.

Parker says that the accepted wisdom that anger needs must be launched, such as punching a pillow or a primitive scream, may have made a limited psychological benefit.

More why I like this:

The best goal is to “create a positive and fruitful connection in your body and mind.” This can be achieved through physical movement, as Parker was discovered in boxing; Other examples are running and dancing. Anger can also be created creatively by overcoming daily, drawing or drawing.

Once the moment heat exceeds, you can decide clearly, if any, is the necessary procedure, says Parker. “Sometimes you have to go and make a frightening conversation, and say the difficult thing.”

At other times, just recognize what you feel is enough to reduce the sting, and help you move forward. “Today, if I feel angry with something, I have trained myself on the best of what I can think of:” Well, this is information. “

Knowing that his tendency to bury anger is now trying to stay in contact with her. For example, he and his partner discussed their players and their approach to the argument. “What you really do is to deliver each other a map, so that when the conflict arises, you can find your way out a little faster,” he explains.

My curiosity to learn more about my terrain, I started with a psychological question: If you are angry, what will I get angry with? The question expels some of the long -cultivated damage and the perceived injustice that caused it to be aware. Nobody feels that they need to act, but they feel better in digging them.

I realized that although I avoided the conflict, believing that it is destructive, the friendships that I appreciate more are those in which we have already proven that we can disagree, express frustration or argument, and recover.

They are comfortable ready -made meals: anger may be uncomfortable, but it is not necessarily a deadly sin.