‘It’s not whether you do it – it’s how you do it’: the expert guide to healthy gossiping | Friendship
It is safe to say that Pope Francis is not a fan of gossip. Immediately before Christmas, in one of its final general manifestations of 2024, it was announced.Evil destroys social lifeThe people’s hearts are tired and lead to something … gossip is zero. Last year, a study in the United States I found that gossip developed to help social groups work, by spreading useful information about individual members and encouraging cooperation. The researchers also found that people spend about an hour every day from the nobles – and that “almost every person” does it.
Far from the fact that it preserves “small minds”, as the old (annoying) saying says, gossip is a natural social behavior, with possible benefits. However, there are good and bad ways to do this. We asked experts about how more intelligent gossip.
You must Try to gossip less – or completely refrain from abstaining?
“I don’t think it is possible to prevent people from gossip,” says Frank Massandaro, a professor of psychology at Nox College. Illinois. “It is part of we, like eating or breathing. He says:” I cannot tell you how many times people will say, “I do not excite gossip,” explaining that many think about it as “something else that others do” while “they express anxiety Or share important information.
In fact, a lot of gossip is either illogical, “or in reality does some good.” MCANDREW suggests that gossip is best, not as a personal defect, or a bad habit that must strive to kick, but as a social skill. “Not if you are doing it or not – if you do it well, or not.”
What distinguishes a good gossip from a bad one?
“The good shellfish usually is very popular,” says Alexandrian. Interact with others, making them a desirable company, but they also practice a good judgment in its output. This is how they can be very familiar with, and it continues: “They have a reputation for being conservative; they do not use it in a bad, bad way.”
Either there are less effective creations either indifferent, and they exchange “everything they know, for anyone who will listen” without mind for his fans, or the risks and possible results-or it is clear that he serves himself, “he talks badly about others so that they can do so. “You can go foot.”
What are the safest types of gossip?
Although gossip is usually negative, it should not be. Maria Kakarica, a professor of participation in the Faculty of Business Administration at Durham University, recommends the practice of “positive gossip” – either complementing people behind their backs or listed their good deeds.
This negative bias is not only opposed to the rear channel’s communication (which can make positions appear worse than they are), but rather reflects well on gossip. “I looked at the minds of others as a positive person,” says Cakarica.
This is especially important in the workplace. A study conducted by Cakarica last year found this Office gossip was generally displayed negativelyAnd their behavior can affect their professional progress.
“When the purpose of gossip is to take advantage of the group,” she says, for example, it appears that the alarm in violations of the workplace or free dodgers.
Should you act on gossip?
For institutions, gossip can contain useful data and even increase awareness of the problems or risks that wave on the horizon.
Catherine Wadington, an Emerita colleague in the University of Westminster and the author of the Gossip book, Organization and Work: Overview of Research, from the original American proverb: “Listen to the whisper and you will not have to hear screaming.”
If the information that is shared is frequent, and from several sources, it is worth considering an open mind, as Waddington suggested. “Sometimes it is extremely useful to know what is said about you.” But not all of this will be high -quality or “pure”, Wadington adds: “You need to know your merchant.”
Likewise, it is important not to lose sight of the risks: “The possibility of harm to gossip should never be ignored.”
How can you gossip in favor of the greatest good?
As it returns to biblical times, the gender has been done as a female behavior – although men do it too, says Wadington. “What do you think you are doing when you go down with your colleagues on Wednesday night?”
MCANDREW says there is evidence that gossip has a larger coin for women more than men, and that women are more likely to use it strongly – to reject people from social groups or get an advantage over competitors. But “this does not mean that women are more exciting than men,” he adds. Instead, they are reflected in the use of small strength that have a historical force.
In the past, it was an understanding of those who could be trusted, and who was associated with who and how, the key to the survival of women. “It has become a skill and a basic currency in a way that you did not do for men,” says Alexandrian.
This is still the case today. The predatory behavior of Harvey Winstein and Bill Cosby was common long before he brought him to justice. In the office environment, other women, a new employee, may tell some male colleagues, says Alexandria. “It may be seen as a bad negative gossip – but it is already to protect.” Likewise, gossip can highlight inequality in the workplace, as if someone was pushing more than others in the same role. “It can be a way to settle the stadium stadium – to deal with power.”
Is it important to avoid?
“If I share sensitive information with you, what I am really saying is that there is a social rust. A problem, for me or others,” says Alexandrian.
This creates and enhances bonds – but it also creates an expectation of reciprocity, and he adds: “There is pressure on you to share something, for our relationship to go forward.”
Whoever chooses gossip with, and around, it can be just detecting ourselves. For example, someone who leaks around his best friend may come across their informal acquaintances-but the two best friends who explode steam around the third in the trio can trust their mutual understanding.
Alexandria says it is more related to the person we feel, the higher the risks. “If I say things about my wife to co -workers, I don’t know them well, this should be a red sign, because I am proud of someone who is supposed to protect him.”
What are the basic rules of gossip?
Although our tendency to chatter goes back to the days when we were hunters, we are now using different tools. “This is what causes a lot of trouble,” says Alexandrian. Before digital communication and social media, “you will travel slowly.” Now, the bargaining materials can be shared immediately, inappropriately and for large audiences. “The damage occurs more quickly,” he says.
Even screenshots and other “receipts”, which are as a guide to crystal, can be easily misrepresented. Reducing your gossip on a person provides the level of protection, as well as more opportunities to connect the context and tone.
Likewise, MCANDREW is recommended for caution exercises when mixing gossip with alcohol: “In a position where your guard retracts and your inhibitors are raised, you are in a greater danger. You may not remember exactly what you said to whomever, or realize that you did something that you should not have.”
What can you do when you are busy?
Alexandria says the best path to work – but also the most difficult – is to have your mistake for your mistake again. “
Whatever you do, do not deny that you were beating or trying to clean it. People have different thresholds of what is considered private information – some do not like to spread their age, for example, or seek to maintain work and home life completely separate. “If you tell them,” no one cares about, “you are in some respects that reduce them, tell them that it is not appropriate to be upset. Alexandria says:” You may think that he is trivial, but if it is not trivial for them, then this is not. “
Should you tell someone if others are giving them?
Wadington says that gossip often offers us with moral dilemmas like this. “There is no right or wrong answer-it is a moral decision in the end.” It suggests approaching it “on the basis of the need for knowledge.” If the disclosure of gossip will lead to a person’s harm, distress, or suffering, your role as a friend may be their protection.
However, if there is a benefit in sharing gossip – for example, if it is clear that it is incorrect or harmful – you may be able to help them challenge and expose them. Alexandria says it could be an opportunity to build an alliance. “Strategically informs someone that the goal of gossip can prove you with them.” But he adds: “One must play this game skillfully and studied.”
How can you protect yourself from hearing something you do not want to hear?
Wadington is like gossip into a rich meal. “With good friends and good wine, it’s already fun,” she says. But excessive overcoming can leave a bad taste. “It is somewhat similar to alcohol headache, or a little swelling.”
However, drawing the separation line between harmless and painful is very personal. “People must have a moral compass of their own, and their own symbols regarding them or not. Wadington says:“ You cannot be initial, or give them a small review menu. ”However, it has a strategy when you find that you have lost your appetite for gossip.” So. Someone came to you and says, “Have you heard …”, before they went further, say: “Why do you tell me this?”
