‘Kids can bypass anything if they’re clever enough!’ How tech experts keep their children safe online | Parents and parenting

I I know that I am not alone as a father when I admit that I often felt the mysterious failure in trying to restrict what my children see online. There were the times when they penetrated the screen time settings for their devices, or managed to stumble in inappropriate content despite the controls, not to mention innovative solutions to reach restricted sites. The worst of all is the bad will that Rigmarole creates among us all. So when in the first minute of my conversation with the coach of paternity and digital maternity Elizabeth Milviduov, she says: “I think parents need to embrace themselves and breathe again,” I feel I felt comfortable.

“Parents are incredibly busy. Milvidowov says:” He overwhelmed them. “Then this full idea of ​​trying to lock things is not easy. I remember I am trying to learn how to program a VCR device, and it was like: Oh my God. However, she is the same, and she is the father of adolescents, she looks very cold. She admits that she watched a lot of television in the seventies, and has turned well; She has a PhD and is an international advisor in technology, paternity and motherhood.

What comes out of talking to Milovidovov and other experts in this field is that what is required often is not a great evidence for nuts and bolts of the technical aspect gained from the parents ’controls as much as it is a conversation in the mentality and communication and what is realisticly possible.

Luke Savage, chief project official in NSPCC child safety online. “There are many different elements He is Complex and arduous. From the WiFi router at home to the device in the child’s hand, the computer control unit that is operated and the applications or games themselves – each has individual settings and controls. “Savage says, and even when parents are going through everything, they cannot” put their feet and think: I have been working here. There are restrictions on parental controls. It is not perfect – children can overcome them if they are smart enough. “These tools are just a step in a more accurate process that, he says,” comes to conversation and communication. “

Start talking about the Internet early

“It is not a matter of controlling our children, and it is not a matter of fear,” says Milovidovov. “It comes to enabling them to make smart decisions, and we do it when they are very early. We are trying to teach them how to act when we are not in the room, when we don’t look at their shoulder – that’s what is digital guardianship.”

“The second starts using technology, conducting these conversations in an appropriate manner and using the right language,” says Savage. Melovidov agrees to: “What the parents always tell is that it does not matter much about parental controls, as long as you are talking to them, because even if you close this smartphone, this iPad, the gaming control unit, you will hear about it [inappropriate content]. You have to give them some strategies in advance about what to do if someone tries to show something they know inappropriate. “

She says there is a feeling that if your child sees something inappropriate, you fail. “I would just tell parents to believe in themselves a little more. It is imperative to see something at some point.”

The router first

“The most important place to start safety restrictions is a WiFi router. This is the place where you can block inappropriate web sites and such things.” Safaj is a step. “There must be a step -by -step guide on your provider. Although if he has a child’s phone with unlimited mobile data, they can access the home, the router will be outside the equation.

Learn about platforms

In general, in technology, the evidence of instructions is a thing of the past; You can just run it and the rest is an intuitive blessing, supposed. But with parental controls, it takes a few minutes to read the instructions will make it a lower seat position. (I recommend, with the passage of it too late, even before introducing a new device or digital platform – that is, online space for social communication, games or broadcasts – to the family.) Melovidov says that there is a good information on the websites of individual platforms, “including footage that explains you step by step how to do some of the most difficult things.” The non -profit organization has Internet issues of all kinds Evidence of parental controls On its website. “They have great preparation tools for anything-Tiktok, Roblox, Instagram, YouTube, Snapchat, all games.”

Check the settings regularly

NSPCC is recommended to return to regular intervals. For the beginning, the settings can be tampered with. Let’s be honest – the child may think: “I can overcome parental controls. “This is the place where this communication comes: the child is likely to respect the rules,” if they understand the reason for your use of some settings, and there is a suggestion that things will change as they are old, as happens in the real world, “but as it is with the real world, the payment of the borders is what the children do.” They can search for “How can I cross the parent’s candidate?”

“There is also the problem that the platforms often change and modernize their parents’ settings,” said Savage.

Finally, there is the fact that children grow up. “This setting when they were five years old may not be relevant when they are 12 years old.”

Reflence in the screen time

Screen time is less than the safety problem. “The child can be connected for five minutes and be damaged,” said Savage. “We are really paying this conversation and thinking among parents,” screen time in exchange for using the screen. ”With children moving to high school, many of their homework is on the Internet and are managed through applications, as well as communicating with friends.” In fact, when you talk about screen time, many of them may be things they must do, instead of passing indefinitely on the social networking site, for example.

Milovidov suggests looking at five criteria if you are worried about screen time. Do they eat well? Do they sleep well? Are they okay in school? Are they in good condition with you – they treat you, parents and careers, well? How do they interact with friends? “If the answer to all these things is,” yes, it works well, “you have no problem with the screen.” You may be angry because they do not come when you call them for dinner and want to play Fortnite or Roblox for a little longer, but she says: “Always tell the fathers: This is normal. This is like me watch Berdergon: Do not bother me now. Not all screen is bad. I have done this 15 years ago, and I ask people to look at the content of what they are doing. If my 17 -year -old child is sitting there is Spanish online, I will not lose my mind. But if he plays Call of Duty for successive hours, I will be like: “O shouted, what do you do?”

Be a good model

If your child sees your phone constantly, they may think it is one base for them and the other condition for you, as Savage notes. “If you can start using luxury tools and screen time yourself, and your child sees it, it will have an effect.” So, if you can prepare family rules, contrary to the child’s rules, you must start seeing “that the child thinks:” Well, this is not just an attack on me and an online scientist. This is for the sake of our interests as a family. “

Ekaterina Hertog, a professor participating in artificial intelligence and society at the University of Oxford, found in her research interviews with young people that “monitoring is often from top to bottom. Sometimes this approach may be harmful, because young people can look at it as follows:” My parents do not trust me – I did not make a mistake in that, and explain that to them, but they do not listen. “This, as you say, can, I can, They create additional risks, “as young people try to wander around these restrictions. When they face a problem, they may really be reluctant to go to parents and tell them, “I went on this site and saw this worrying video really” because they were not allowed. “

“We create a lot of fear,” says Milovidovov. “Yes, there are online risks, but we cannot live in fear. Social media, games, messaging applications, artificial intelligence homes, and connected homes – all come with a set of risks. Whether it is privacy, online domination or wrong information, whatever, there are ways to reduce risks. But the ban does not always work.”

She cannot emphasize enough of the attractiveness and speaking is the first priority. “You have to have a relationship with them as you will open up and inform you about what happened in school. Sometimes, I tell my children how to be transmitted, not just a spectator.” This means that when they see bullying, or someone sends them something bad online, they know how to interfere, but they do not become a target themselves. Usually, humor is one of the best tools that the child can get out.

When they break the rules

Milovidov says that young people will always wander in parents’ control tools. “It still happens in my house. They will test you.” You may feel like the last straw. It’s time to remove any online fun once and for all. Her advice is to think about it as if they were breaking the rules of real life. “Whether it’s alcohol or calls someone not to end, we not only lose it and prohibit everything forever and forever. We send them or there are other consequences.”

It is useful to ask them why they need to circumvent these rules. How can we adjust? Do you need more time to play? Do you feel lost with your friends? Ask them to help you know a solution. You don’t want them to continue breaking your rules, because they break your confidence. It comes to helping them understand the reason for these limits. This is not only “because we said that”; You are trying to teach them to be digital and not only digitally restricted. “

When her son was younger, he wanted to be able to chat with friends while he was playing, says Milovidov. Initially, “I was like, no, no, no, no.

Hertog says that it is not always that parents have to satisfy the youth’s point of view.and But “even just a conversation on this topic, and a feeling of hearing and understanding … This communication can help parents to build their youth to make good choices when they are adults.” It is similar to how to try to instill healthy eating. “Many children are accused, so parents have talks and we hope that they will run a kind of diet compatible with the more healthy settlement system otherwise. But parental control technology encourages, or makes it easier, parents should be only police men.”

Arrange alternative activities

One of the best ways to create a healthy balance is to give children opportunities to experience how great it is active and social in the real world. Take it in picnics, give them alternative activities. “When my children were younger, creating the dates of play. Otherwise, they all want to be on the devices, because they are exciting, they are great things,” says Milovidovov.

Do not rush to judge their content

“It is a very difficult feeling at first – I will not say Unavory – “To allow all this technology in your life,” says Milovidovov. Parents often hear despair that their children want to watch YouTubes who play video games. “They feel very upset and say, my child does not even play the curse. They are like: “Oh, Wow.