My teenage son is just horrid, I hate him. How can I cope with the disgusting feelings I’m having? | Parents and parenting

I have a 15 -year -old son and he is in the adolescent, moderate, moderate phase of attitudes and behavior, which is terrible. Although he is his mother, I hate him. I cannot be around him and because of this, I suffer from depression. Being his mother is the worst absolute experience.

How can I deal with disgusting feelings I face about being a mother?

Elianor says: The first step does not call it disgusting. No one says that your children’s love is any guarantee of their admiration, especially during adolescence when their brains are a hormone soup. Many parents have periods – even months at one time – of feeling angry, discomfort or disrespect, or as they prefer that when the child is not at home.

I don’t know the details of his behavior, nor anything about dynamic, so I want to be careful. I cannot exclude that he is behaving in violent ways of what I said. If this is the case, you will need your responses to be different, especially if you fear your safety. But if his behavior is Standard adolescence on a large scaleRemember that this period can be very difficult. Large hormonal changes can tamper with you; It makes many of us behave in unfamiliar ways. He may not be morally responsible for the ways he is behaving now.

However, you do not need to feel miserable shame due to negative feelings in response to this behavior. Shame may make these feelings more intense. Sometimes negative feelings become stronger and more toxic if we cannot allow them in their most moderate form. It is one thing to think, “It is leading me now.” But when this feels very expressive of expression and pushing it away, it can return stronger. You can fall into an episode that intensifies the feeling in the end: I don’t like it now / I can’t feel it / I hate him / I don’t feel that / I really hate him.

Can you make way for a version of this feeling not a comprehensive hate or complete disgrace? Something like, “I don’t like the way he was treated for me,” or “I feel worse when he behaves like this at home”, rather than “it is bad”.

This may be better for you, if that makes you feel less bad mother. You say you cannot be around him. I wonder if it is also difficult to be about the copy of yourself that appears in response to it? Abandoning some of this shame may make it easy to search for a professional assistance to depression you say you feel.

If you just try to pay off away, you risk jumping in ways that confuse you. This will not help everything that is going on for him. Although adolescence causes you a lot of suffering, it may also suffer.

I know this is difficult. I know that adolescents can be developed in their division. But it is not necessarily a representative of his personality, or more importantly, what his personality will be, because he is still under construction.

Part of what will build his future personality is how people interact with him now.

Many people are able to learn from the pain patterns that caused adolescence – if there is enough patience and support around them. Many of the relationships between parents and the child have to include admiration for each other in adulthood-if the way you deal with each other leaves this possibility open.

It is okay that motherhood does not feel at all now. You can coexist with a good parent with anger, frustration, resentment, and even the desire to get your son out of your hair. It may be better for you to allow yourself to feel some of these feelings as responses to temporary behavior, so that they do not turn into a complete hatred for him as a person.

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