Question I write to you from the brink of the abyss … Hello! Despite the privileges I got, my life was a continuous struggle. Since I was four years old, I had a little Joie de Vivre, thanks to my mental soup Health issues, a difficult home life and a recent discovery that I am on the spectrum of autism. I do not blame autism for everything – My character will be difficult, regardless – But it explains a lot.
My life works in courses: denial of my feelings, spirit, the point of collapse, sabotage and starting again. When I was a child, I was frustrating frustration in school, just to explode at home. In adulthood, these collapses were more dramatic: quitting jobs, a semi -baked suicide attempt, bouts of seizures, and the greatest regret, which is the year of cutting the pixels. Life has moved like a light brigade charge, with little to show it. I had a series of individual jobs, television (ended in the legal conflict), and the Royal Albert Hall (incompatible) and living in a convoy in Scotland, where my job was to play chess with an elderly man. Recently, I worked with a religious leader despite being non -religious. Despite all the supposed creativity, I am not closer to being a writer.
This year was terrible. I started the degree of creative writing, but I am working miserable in a boring job to pay the rent, and I hate my colleagues in the apartment, and finally ended in a toxic state. How do you stop this nonsense and start living?
Filipa’s answer It seems as if you were using humor to protect yourself from pain – to protect yourself from you and others. But I think I can see the most authentic part of you coming out behind jokes, which seems to be calling for hearing.
Your life describes as chaotic and amplifying this meaning in the dramatic language. But what if your feelings are not just a chaos that you should escape, but signals seek care and attention? Suicide ideas do not appear from anywhere. The sound of the brutal inner critic is often crushing the weak and unpleasant part and which deserves to be treated with sympathy and care. What if you take yourself more seriously? I would like you to recognize your conflicts, aspirations and feelings as valid and important, instead of brushing it in a sense of humor. What about respecting yourself enough to behave carefully and even with the smallest moments?
Could the real obstacle not be the world itself, but how did you come to see it? She asks how to stop “nonsense”. (I hear that your cruel internal critic is leaking there). No boring function, no toxic condition, nor this diagnosis can take away your potential unless you allow this. Writing is not related to escaping from your pain, but it shares with it, watching your chaos and turning it into meaning.
The faded job that works to pay the rent like another trap, but can there be another way to see it? Work, whatever inspiring, can be done in dignity and there is a value in doing this carefully. The feeling of pride can start doing your work well in affecting other parts of your life. If you take yourself seriously, it means to appear completely, not only for your dreams, but for your daily life, even when you feel monotony or normal. How will you feel that you treat yourself in dignity? Although it is correct, we can take ourselves seriously, not taking ourselves seriously can be harmful. You are important.
The diagnosis does not tell the entire story. Use it as a tool for self -understanding and strategy, instead of avoiding deeper self -thinking. It can be a powerful tool for growth, not a justification for staying stuck. Request support from Autism.org.uk.
You already get to know the self -destructive courses you faced. This self -awareness is the key to change. I have taken steps by starting this degree, can you give her a real opportunity rather than preparing to sabotage it? This time, when you feel the desire to withdraw or back down from your progress, try something different: simply recognize this motivation, rather than acting on it. While learning to treat yourself with more kindness, you may find your relationships with others as well. Perhaps these bright colleagues will not be very bad. Your life is not nonsense. Notice this harsh internal critic who says he is, but carry it along the weapons. This is the part of you not taking seriously. Find your dignity by how you deal with and talk to yourself, and confront your struggle. The part that continues to appear, which wrote this letter, dreams of being a writer. Listen to it. Take it seriously.
If you have ever failed suicide thinking again, call Samaritans Then see your doctor.
Recommended reading: An adult who suffers from autism diagnosis Written by Gilan Drew It provides a practical advice for recently diagnosed adults with autism, covering social challenges, relationships and daily life strategies.
Every week, Philippa Perry treats a personal problem that the reader has sent. If you want to advice from Philippa, please send your problem to askphilippa@guardian.co.uk. The presentations are subject to us Conditions and terms
