The squabbling, the vomiting, the freeloading and the noisy sex: my 10 worst house-share moments | Homes

R.It is only the people I know who talk about the glow of the shares of homes are the ones who no longer live in it. When I hear someone describing the era of his home as “the best time in my life”, I know they had at least two years to forget their shock. This is not a prohibited luxury for me – I live in my eighth house with my eighteenth colleague, and I still stick to previous horrors as it happened yesterday and I face the anxiety that may happen again. So they are here: the 10 worst moments of my many shares.

Find hidden from orgasm at home in my favorite mug

This was the first time that my older sister visited her share in my house and had a six -month -old child. I was determined to show her that I am no longer a laughing student. I was an adult working and lived like one.

I covered our dark table with the tablecloth and pulled the chairs that do not match it. I would like to serve the chicken pie with butter and a group of vegetables.

When I arrived, I went to make it a cup of tea in the most beautiful mug that I own – only to find a cover of MDMA crystals inside. Angry with my colleagues at home, I sent a picture to the group immediately. No words, just: “?!?” For a few hours, there was silence, then an apology. I have made it clear my point of view. After that, with the type of unique negative aggression of stocks at home, I made sure that it did not happen again by transferring all my cups to a sleeping room.

I realized that my colleague at home washed his clothes without any cleaner

This house’s share had a few hygiene issues from the beginning. An obscene amount of beard hair was left in the sink and there were mice hanging under the roasted. I also noticed a continuous smell of moisture, similar to the smell of rotting leaves. Then I saw my colleague at home turning his clothes in the washing machine and replacing her. No powder, no tab, no liquid. No cleaner of any kind. When asked, he told me that the detergent was a waste of money. I insisted that he helped himself, at any time, all the time. I decided that it was more cost -effective than continuing to buy highly pardoned candles to hide the smell.

Loss of my nerves with a colleague at home called me

The end of the tail was from the epidemic and I have tasted nights again, although it was socially emerging. Because of the levels of nervousness at home, my colleagues and I at home presented an open -air social media agreement for a period of time as soon as the restrictions are raised, in respect of each other. But then I went out, and got the base that had played an effective role in going to a friend’s house.

When my colleague at home raised it (because it is clear that I was not in a garden until 2 am), I was so intersection that I shouted at the top of my lungs about all the things I was doing to end over the three years we lived together. He was not the same after that. I learned a sharp lesson in knowing when to accept, with grace, that I was wrong, as well as the importance of expressing concerns early, instead of waiting until tensions retreat to withdraw the list of grievances.

I ask her boyfriend at home to pay the rent

From the day she moved to the house of the house, I recorded that her boyfriend at home (let’s invite him Dan) was very much. It was a social home and we often have dinner together. It was fast and funny. But a month later, I realized that he was living here. all. bachelor. Night. When you are in a four -house share, he paid an obscene amount of money for a room and a share of the bathroom, it is difficult to welcome someone who does not do the same. I found it less and less funny.

When Dan left himself (with a key we did not know he had) “to drop some of his purposes”, I decided to ask him to pay the rent. It turned out that he had no other place to live in; He really moved full time. However, he did not want to contribute, but he pledged to stay with a friend of a few nights a week. After that, we agreed as a home that the partners should stay for more than three nights a week.

Cleaning a strange patient after he made a mistake in getting a tight house

We were colleagues at home. I thought it might be friends soon – we needed a little time. house! What a good idea to help us association. I made a punch and bid farewell to my friends, who attended bags filled with a ghost. Her friends arrived with cocaine bags, which one seemed to sell. Apparently, Housewarmeings imagined very different.

After a few embarrassing hours, half the party party left to attend the delirium, a few retirees – one of them vomiting throughout the kitchen floor. While my colleague at home was interested in a forest, I was on my hands and knees chasing her sick friend. I pledged to make sure that I met new friends in a neutral site before hosting anything at home in the future.

Discover that a colleague at home looted the cabinets and stole each knife

She had grown to hate me because she thought I deliberately attached the doors to disturb her. She made it clear that they were just the doors of heavy fire, but by the time when she decided to leave the relationship she had been strained. In the morning she was moving, she sent her a text “Good luck with everything” from the safety of my office. When I got home, all the doors and drawers of the cabinets in the kitchen were open. The place was looted and all table tools were stolen, as well as kitchen knives. She lived for fear of her return, so I asked the owner to change the locks.

To be trapped in my room until my colleague ends in the hall

I have long believed that the success of the house’s share is closely related to the quality of the space for a collective life, as well as privacy. This, where the doors were challenged to our hall bedrooms, were governed by outside, especially for a two-year-old woman, which was returning.

One night, I woke up at four in the morning to scratch the sounds on the wall. I lied there paralyzed, besieged in my room. If I opened my door, I knew that I would see them in the possibility of passion. I stayed in a position and reached my earplugs, very embarrassing to tell them that I could hear every force and fool.

I hated myself to wake up at 6.30 am to demand the kitchen table

Living in a house where all the four people work means a daily battle around group work spaces. If you do not reach the kitchen table, you will be in your room. We have become compassionate like vacationers who put their towels on the sun bed when the dawn rift until we eventually saw a feeling and we drew a routine.

He discovered that the person who steals from us was my friend

This person is still heavy on my heart, because it was a sorry situation and I had a very few life skills needed to deal with it. I was living with a friend and friend, who also became a friend. Money and alcohol had lost several months – even sometimes from our rooms – the atmosphere at home was risky. When my friend’s friend grabbed the act, I knew that I had to tell her. It is too late, I wish I had been calm. You may have solved the Jin thief’s puzzle, but the participation cost me our friendship.

Waking up the horrific faces of the elderly parents at home after a night abroad

He was my older colleague from me, and he was recently released and in a fragile place. I was still in the era of parties after the university and I thought it was a cavity. I can now see the reason for her anger at the eight advanced bodies in her living room on Sunday morning, especially when she was planning to host her parents, who traveled a long way to see her, but at that time she felt as if she was unreasonable. I left the post of the house after this accident, and moved to one where the house concerts occurred monthly – and where my colleagues at the house exchanged MDMA in the favorite cups.

How to stay sane in a house share from Alice Wilkenson outside now (DK RED, 14.99 pounds). To support the guardian and the observer, ask for your copy on Guardianbookshop.com. Delivery fees may apply.