This is how we do it: ‘If she wants me to dominate her, I will. It brings her happiness’ | Sex

Shera, 56

I find it fun to be required; There is a primitive and radical desire there

When I met with Frank for more than 25 years, there were not many reading materials on BDSM. If we looked back, we would do things without knowing that there are terms for them. We were celebrating a lot and the sex was very strange – we did not have a candidate and allowed us to be of us.

We started noticing that I had a adjacent desire, instead of pre -emptive desire. For example, at first, Frank would have been fulfilled if I wanted to have sex and just told him he went to that, you never need to check with me. It has been the case since then. Only in the past three years, when doing more research on BDSM, have we realized that there is a name for this – “free use” – and it has given it comprehensive approval of sex.

I am not sure where the psychological motivation comes, but my body responds to sex in this way. It seems as if every cell in my body shines, and even if I do not have orgasm, I feel wonderful for the rest of the day, and sometimes for the next few days. I find it fun to be required; There is a primitive and radical desire there.

He does not come from a place he wants to “be the president”, but from a care place. Outside sex, for example, Frank takes care of home financing.

We are fathers, and while our children were growing up, sex did not pass, but it was more than survival than excitement. Now they are older and spend less time at home, we have had more time to get to know BDSM and communicate with society. It was amazing to discover the things that we do instinctively are actually symbolic and meaningful. We now have these new vocabulary and a set of tools, so that we can direct our sexual energy to more experiments.

I am strong and independent in my working life – anyone says no one. So the fact that I have someone who challenges me is great. Our relationship makes me feel as if I won the lottery because I have exactly what I need and I want, with someone I trust – and we have a lot of fun.

Frank, 58

Being always means getting a chance to celebrate and get to know my strength, but in a loving way

We met at a club in 1997 and only knew that we would be together. I also knew the sex that I wanted to practice, and that some people might have judged it. I was lacking in self -confidence and felt as if I were hiding. It was scary because I don’t want to harm anyone. However, of course, this view came from a lack of understanding. Then I met Chiara and what we were doing was risky and adventurous, but we had no name for that. We just enjoyed.

After three years together, we had children, and things were calmed. Only when children went to university, we resumed the sex that we witnessed when we met for the first time. With the benefit of 20 years of experience, we realized that what we were doing was BDSM. It was almost a shock to me.

Slavery and masochism are not a large part of our sexual life – it is the hegemony and presentation that we work with. I reached an agreement with my role, because it was something that the woman I love. If you want me to control it, I will do. He brings her such happiness, and this makes me feel good. The branch has all the strength. For me, being always means getting a chance to celebrate and get to know my strength, but in a loving way.

We have a trustworthy relationship, sexually and in other areas of our lives. Shera will do anything for me. We have a free use agreement where you don’t reject sex, but I do not know that I do not benefit from that, and she trusts me not telling her to do anything you do not want. For example, if we are in a bar, I do not ask what you want to drink, I will say: “You will get a white wine.” It is the energy exchange of 24/7. I am pleased to do so, and I pledge it as a responsibility. It gives me a feeling of value. This kind of respect and confidence is great.