DIn the event of insurance, I was sitting on my balcony in the sun one morning when I saw brutally killing. I heard noisy and a mechanical voice behind me and went to investigate. I found a hunting fly on the Internet, shaking and shaking, fighting to escape. Like a spider spider one side of its prey to the other side and return again, using his legs to wrap the silk round and round in the fly. Initially, the fly seemed to stand out loud more and more and shake more and more strongly. Spider, uncomfortable, effectively and accurately tightening his imprisonment. I watched a troubled magic while loud loud grows quieter and weaker movements, until the silent fly falls. The spider has been made.
This memory is more due to the appearance of what I want. I think he is stuck strongly because I realize within myself prey and vitality: the vital emotions that want to fight and fly; And the part that seeks to extinguish them, instinctively, silently and with mercy.
But I know it is not just me – these different parts are all in us. It can seem strange, at first, thinking about ourselves in this way: recognition of the presence of different parts of our minds that want different things. But I find this way of thinking very useful, especially when it comes to building a better life. Because if we only know about part of ourselves who wants to fly and ignore the part of ourselves that work hard to keep us in prison, we risk stumbling in a network of our weaving.
As a patient in psychoanalysis and as a treatment for patients, I found that it is necessary to identify this spider inside. What drives this devastating part of ourselves, which can look very terrifying, strong and powerful, which can weave silk ties and successfully confuse us, and our ability to grow and develop?
In my experience, it is usually a feeling that is listed – an unwanted emotion that we do not want to admit at any cost. The emotion lurks in the subconscious, but it does not really feel our conscious mind: without realizing, we feel that it exists; We pick up a flap in the corner of our eye or hear the uproar.
You may try to relieve your child, but they cry for their other father. You suddenly find yourself soaked in a horrific mental state, such as thick tar. You don’t know what you feel – something like despair, anger and anxiety at the same time. Your phone may come out, or eat some potato chips, or run Netflix – anything but to shift towards it and feel it.
When the emotion is overwhelming, what is lost often is that the feeling is that – a feeling. It is not dangerous. It is an emotional experience that can be attended, placed in words, digesting and understanding them.
The spider does not realize that this process is not only possible, but it is vital – the root of all psychological development. If we are able to feel rejection – and allow this feeling to seize some space in our minds, and the feeling that pain and sadness, making our past and understanding where it comes and why it is overwhelming – we may then be able to grow the ability to think. On the other hand, we may be able to help our children digest their emotions, too, to understand that the child will have all kinds of feelings around their parents and need to be free to do that and know that they are still likable.
When we cannot recognize the feeling, it completely controls our minds and bodies: we cannot think and have an internal understanding. Instead, the spider is activated inside. One part of us fights for breathing. The other links us and our paralysis. Thus we are still stuck, closed in the battle of life and death.
It may not look like a battle of life and death from the outside; It might seem as if you were stuck in a rut. Designed to exercise, but do not put your coach. He hated your job, but never write a request for another. Eliminate the evening in looking at your phone instead of your partner. Lying is awake in bed all night. The task never starts at the top of your task menu. The explosion is sterile anger with your child and disturbing everyone.
I think one of the ways in which treatment helped me build a better life is that I now have an understanding of these different parts of me. Now, I can realize when the spider part is activated from me. I am not always able to determine the feeling that it raised immediately. You are not always able to resist Netflix and Crisps. But I know that something happens, and that for me there will be to try to understand it when I recover the ability to do so. Because I know that a hungry spider. But what is hungry?
Moya Sarner is a psychologist in NHS and his author When greater – conversations with adults in search of adulthood
