I haven’t told my parents I have cancer, as I fear they will say something hurtful | Cancer

Last year, I was diagnosed with cancer in the fourth stage. I told some people, however Not my family, unlike my brother, and I do not know if I should. They live abroad.

I have a lot of childhood issues that have not been resolvedWhich I am Mostly I managed to put aside. But the diagnosis makes it difficult to deal with harm, resentment and injustice of all of this.

I grew up by my father addicted to alcohol, he was barely working, and as a major daughter “A woman” for the family, I seem to have assumed the role of my brother, my father and myself. My parents separated when I was eight years old, after years of arguments. Then my mother spent most of the rest of my childhood in psychological care and It must be dealt with allergic. Our extended family will not touch us with the battlefield; We were “undesirable.”

for me The twenties of the last century were time to modify: I faced a lot of self -harm behavior But I somehow managed to make life for myself. However, my personal life was a disaster: I have It was one for 15 years.

Over the past thirty years, my father has lived a new life: he has a new family And do not drink more. He never talked about drinking it, and he never apologized. Closed conversation.

I have a profession and a home Incredible friendsBut I was injured every year by my father and his partner. The distance and time means that I can only manage it. Cutting all relationships would put my father’s mental health at risk, so we all demonstrate. And he continued to return, every year requesting approval.

I thought about telling them about cancer, then hesitated, and When I told my brother My logical frequency. He said, “Do not tell them, they will say something painful.” It is right, of course, whether it is a harmful comment from his partner or a random comment from my father, I’m sure I will end up.

My mother, a mobic fanatic from him, believes that everything we do is appropriate for Our amount of prayerHe was Make the link with Church Church and clear religion. Do I loosen all links and focus on myself? Will I be able to live with anxiety and feel guilty??

I am very sorry for everything I went through and commanded.

I went to the psychological treatment recorded by UKCP Helen Gilbert. You surprised her how you realize yourself and how to understand how it had an impact on your adult life. “I feel that the diagnosis of cancer has sparked feelings of anger and injustice about the care you did not receive as a child and the need for parents and your parents.”

Glimpse your long message to a feeling of injustice on how your father moves and now lives his life without clear repercussions of the way he was treated. And a few things highlight feelings of injustice, such as a serious disease. I think there is a part of all of us believe that good will always outperform evil, however you are here with a heavy burden while others.[seem to] The descent without any consequences, ”Gilbert suggested.

Gilbert also asked whether your relationship with your brother was, “You can offer you any consolation or support. Is there a possibility that this relationship will be strengthened while staying in low contact with your parents?”

You definitely do not need to tell your parents about anything you do not want. I am afraid that you are looking for them to be different from how it was and wonder how you will interact if you are not. What do you want to achieve and is it possible to achieve that?

I will not rush to anything without carefully thinking and talking to someone. This may be a truly good friend, McMilalan’s support or looking for a psychiatrist you can get and/or a specialist in cancer support (Search for psychotherapists).

Do you imagine that you are now wondering who will come to you at this difficult time? Is there a person in your circle that makes you feel safe and can fulfill the “parent’s role”? Remember – you can change your opinion at any time and tell your family. From now on, everything is about you.

Every week, Annalisa Barbieri deals with a personal problem sent by the reader. If you want to advise Annalisa, please send your problem to ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. The submission is subject to Our conditions and our provisions.

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