When someone trusts you enough to go out to you, it is necessary to choose the words you respond carefully and thinking. “Hossing, at that moment, the most important tool you should be an ally and be there for the person you love who opens up to you,” says Max, the director, actor, and founder of Malibu and Bro Productions: “Let them know that you hear them is everything At that moment. “
He adds: To indicate that they have your full interest, do not interrupt your friend or family member while they are talking. Unless they ask you a question, “Let them talk,” says Talisman. “Do not interfere, and do not make jokes. It is all about showing love and respect.”
We have asked a handful of the leading voices in the LGBTQ community+ exactly what you say when someone comes out to you.
“So?”
When people come out, they are still the same person who were five minutes, hours, or days before that huge moment. If anything, they are more themselves. For this reason it is very important for those at the recipient clarification that they will not go anywhere. When Talisman went out to his parents, his mother said to him: “So?”
“It was the most calm thing that you could have said, because it means that he did not change anything,” he recalls. “It was the same with my father. It did not change anything for them. I was still their son, and they still love me a lot.”
“Thank you for being you.”
You can thank your friend for opening up to you. But Talisman prefers to put it on, and instead, thank them for being. You may be like this: “I love the person you are, and I am grateful for being here when you are more authentic than I was.”
Thanks to your friend is a much better approach than telling them that you are not surprised by their news. Talisman says this is a common response when someone comes out, and he does not understand why some people feel that they are forced to say that. He says: “This does not add anything to the moment, and in reality, you almost take this moment of weakness because you” know “all the time.”
“I love you, and support you.”
As a developed deacon, Ross Murray, Vice President of Education and Training at the Glad Media Institute, spends a lot of time working with teenagers LGBTQ+. He has repeatedly saw what happens when young people struggle to find support at home after going out, and this may be comfortable. Up to 40 % of young people It indicates the displacement that displacement is defined as LGBTQ+.
Read more: 14 things you say to “I love you”
For this reason, if you are a parent of a person who just told you that it is strange, it is very important to reassure them and instill a feeling of safety and security. Murray says that telling them that you love them is “the initial confirmation that will tell them that the relationship does not change.” “They will get this love and support, and anything that will continue will continue to be based on a healthy and healthy relationship.”
“Is there anything I can do to be there for you?”
People who go out control their own journey, including how to share news with friends or other family members. Although it is important not to overcome it, they will be able to do so if you ask them for specific methods you can show support. “It is never appropriate to get out of someone,” Murray says. However, they may say, “Do you want to mediate with the grandmother for me? “Follow the leadership of your loved ones, know, and remember that everyone will need something different – and your friend may not yet know what exactly it looks.
“Thank you very much for the truth about me.”
This works at any time when someone comes out, but it is particularly meaningful for converting people, “Susan Ford, Executive Director of San Francisco Pride (and the first woman to hold this role for the organization. “He explains that you appreciate the other authentic person, and you appreciate their confidence, and this is really important,” she says. “If you start there, you are likely to go well.”
Read more: The worst thing that can be said to a person who suffers from depression
Whatever you do, do not talk about yourself and how the revelation will affect your life. “When I went out to my mother, it became about it,” says Ford. “She has lost her son. Many people do it, and this is the worst thing you can do, because it does not relate to you, it is about them.”
“What are your favorite consciences?”
The first step: Discover what pronouns prefer. The second step: already use it. When someone comes out as a non -transformer, you can also ask them if he changes his name, and if so, to what Ford advises. Do they want to use this name to treat them? “You should not make any assumptions,” she says. “Everyone goes out at different points in their transfer, and they may not be ready for that.”
“I must tell you about this wonderful event on the last day.”
Zakari Zan, sex expert and relationships with GRINDR, a dating application for gay, BI, Trans, and Queer, even before someone comes out, you can clarify that you are a safe person for success. Do this using a comprehensive gender language, and avoid assumptions about sex standards or relationship.
Read more: 10 things that can be said when someone does not come down from his phones
“You can share your own experiences if they are suitable,” he says. “If you are comfortable, remember the positions or supportive experiences, such as talking about the LGBTQ events that you went to, or in one way or another to accept more accurately than, such as,” if you are gay, I will still love you. “
“I really appreciate your participation with me – I know this was not easy.”
Less is more in initial conversations when someone comes out, Zan says. It is better not to fill them with questions, especially about the future, because they may not yet have all the answers. After leaving Bi, a family member asked him: “Does this mean that you will marry a man or a woman?” “I am like,” I have no idea, “he says.
“Wonderful! When do we celebrate?”
Jason Mitchell Khan, a wedding chart specializing in wedding parties LGBTQ+, says wedding book author and weddings and weddings specialized in weddings and wedding parties We are doing: a comprehensive guide when it does not cut a traditional wedding. “It is really simple, and it comes from a 100 % place.” “Exit is a major and major step for many people, and sometimes it takes years to develop even comfortable.” The fact that your friend is ready to participate in how to get to know it? Which calls for a great celebration.
“How comfortable you are to participate now?”
Not everyone wants to launch a lengthy conversation after going out. “Some people are ready to announce this, but they do not want to speak in detail on this topic,” says Khan. By asking how your friend’s feeling of participation, “You give the person who comes out of permission to do this in his own schedule.”
“Inside me, you have an ally.”
Khan says that this is beautiful feelings: He is enhancing to think about your friend as much as she was before, and that your relationship has not changed, and that they can rely on you and yet whenever you need you. He suggests that he adds: “I am very happy that you are approaching a single step to live in a correct way for yourself. I love you with the same thing, and if you want to share more details about what you are going through, I am here for you.”
I wonder what to say in a difficult social situation? Send an email to Timtotalk@time.com
