S.Ne is one of the “greatest sorrow” that Dr. Choshna hears from her patients that many wishes have asked their parents more questions.
“By the time we have come to this perception that we wanted to know something It ends wellIt is a non -profit institution that aims to change the way people speak and plan to the end of life. “It is not only about collecting stories, although there is beauty and strength in it. It is related to communication – and honoring someone while they are still able to feel and try it.”
Where do you start, especially if your conversations tend to the center of worldly aspects of life? We have asked experts to share the most important questions to ask your parents while you can still.
“What is the thing that you are now after you do not know about it?”
If you are not used to holding serious conversations with your family, take advantage of some low warm -up operations. “Any kind of low novel or dangers” will do this trick, “says Jenny Shields, the psychologist and vital ethics of Houston-like a mother’s question or my father about enjoyable new interests. “People love to participate in themselves, and expel them from the automated pilot.” “It is light, it flows juices, and helps us get more comfort in asking these most difficult questions.”
“If your life has chapters, what is the title that you will give this?”
This is another way to encourage people to open up – especially if they usually avoid weakness. “I am literally in hell now, and everything is terrible.” On the other hand, the sharing of one fast -creative line on how life is more implemented. Think about your parents ’response as a“ heat scale for the place they are in, ”urges. It gives you a small sign of what will come, and allows them to start slowly in self -disintegration in a safer way.
Read more: For a better luxury, just breathe
“When do you feel calm and basically these days?”
When you are ready to dig a little deeper, ask your parents when they feel more peace. Shields says, whether the answer is revealing, what if they said “never”? You may be associated with a feeling that life is very chaotic; Or, you can share the way you click in time to recharge: “I take five minutes in the morning to take my coffee on the balcony.” The conversation can also work in two ways to build sympathy. “You may say,” I feel I have no time – children are very young, and there is no moment to breathe. “Then they can say,” Oh my God, I remember how this was. You are right – it’s very difficult. “
“What do you wish more than others?”
It may be useful to ask your parents to share their most deep hopes for their children (this is you), and if they are related to their grandchildren. على الرغم من أنهم يريدون بالتأكيد أن تكون ناجحًا وتحقيق أهدافك ، فإن “أشياء أخرى – من الناحية الشخصية والعلاقة – مهمة للغاية ، كما يقول Ungerleider. قد يشمل ذلك “الحديث عن الطريقة التي نعيش بها حياتنا ونحب بعضنا البعض ونهتم ببعضنا البعض.”
“What are your most painful moments?”
It should be the right time to bring such a sensitive topic – but the way your parents can give you an insight into their most formation experiences. This is especially true if you associate him with a follow -up question: “What brought you out of the lowest point in your life?” “You can really learn from seeing how someone has faced an obstacle or adversity, then how they got out of it,” says Ungerleider. Your mother or father may be more flexible than you realized – which can inspire you for years on the road.
“What has changed your opinion in the past few years?”
This is one of the favorite claims for Celsius – you ask her from all students in the psychology semester. It encourages them to slow down and look at the fact that they have flexibility about the way they think, she says; Nothing is fixed.
Read more: 9 ways to place healthy boundaries with your parents
In addition, your mother or father may surprise you. They may have changed their opinion on something that two had not agreed to. “It helps to start the process of reformulating old harm and old patterns,” she says. “We all learn new things with our growth. It is normal, and we want to build this sympathy with each other.”
“What do you wish to know more people about you?”
The way your father responds to understanding the traits they appreciate more than themselves. Maybe you will know that your mother really loves to get to know her silence that serves everyone around her when she hosts, for example. “Then, as a child, you can get to know the next time you do something like that – you will have the ability to confirm it,” says Shields. “We all want to feel vision, and what matters to someone may not be the thing that the other thinks about. It opens the door to,” who am I? What do I care about? “
“How did love in your family seem to grow up?”
Learn what kind of dynamics of the family in which your parents grew up in which surprising light can illuminate your own upbringing. Shields suggests following up with questions such as: “Was there feelings that were not welcome in your home?
“What were you afraid of when I became a parent?”
“There are many different classes that affect a person’s journey to paternity. Loss of a collective mother. She lost her mother when she was only 5 months old, which raised a lot of fear about having her child: “Will I be there for him? Will I die early and leave him?”
Read more: 14 things you say to “I love you”
Malon says if I ask your mother or my father, they did not fear him because they entered their new roles, helping them to give the human character to them. She says: “He reminds us that our parents have their fears, doubts and stories that formed how they appeared to us.” “Our parents are just people who have children.”
“What do you hope that people say about you after you went?”
Umm Malon died at the age of nineteen – and everything she knows about it comes from other people. This implants a strong belief in the importance of talking about the legacy. I ask your parents how they hope to remember “highlights how to see themselves, how they look at the type of parents who were, the type of friend they were, and the type of partner they were on,” she says.
يضيف Ungerleider – وهو أمر مفهوم: لا يفكر فيه عدد كاف من الناس ويتحدثون عن هذا النوع من الأشياء – وهو أمر مفهوم. It might seem to call for sadness and sadness for your relationship before need, but it is better to consume unfortunately on the road. “There are some beautiful old works that you can do before this end is eventually,” she says. “You definitely think about what you leave physically, or the things you created in your life, but also how you hope that people will feel your presence, and the experiences they have gone with you.”
I wonder what to say in a difficult social situation? Email Timtotalk@time.com
