Trying to speak to someone stuck on their phones is a global experience, there is a name for this: “phobbing”, short for “Phone Snubbing”, or ignoring someone in favor of the phone. “Everyone hates it, but everyone did it too,” says Jean Twin, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and author of the next book. 10 rules for raising children in the world of high technology. “When someone mixes, you feel that you are not important – that everything on their phones is more important than you.”
Phubbing It negatively affects Mental health, relationship satisfaction, and general well -being. For this reason it is worth talking about digital distraction. “It is difficult and embarrassing, but we must do it,” says Twing. “We need to face this situation.”
Here’s exactly what you say when the person you are trying to speak does not try to get out of his phones.
“I have received a group chat that explodes at the present time, but I prefer to talk to you without paying attention. Can we put our phones in our bags?”
Two years ago, Twenge heard about a group of women who paid their phones to the center of the table when they went to dinner. The first person to reach its device had to measure the bill. Twenge says this is a smart approach, but you do not even need a situation that revolves around it: instead, you all suggest to drop your phones somewhere away from view, as is the case in your bags.
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Twenge loves this formulation because it is not important: “It is a hidden way to reach a message,” hey, we all have things that happen on our phones, but I want to talk to you now, “she says.” It is a very polite way to say, “I want us to focus on this conversation.”
“Is everything well?”
This question allows the possibility of an emergency – while implicit, if there is no, it is better to put the phone down. Twenge says he may feel a little confrontation, but it is better than picking up the other person to get out of his devices. “You have to find a way to a thread of confession that there may be an important thing that happens,” she says. “But it is a call.”
“What is interesting there you can share it with me?”
This is a way to make someone talk about what is on their phones – as a result, to consider the aforementioned device. Do people usually share, or simply take it as a reminder to be more present? “I saw it go in both directions,” says. “Sometimes it is just an exchange of text with another person, but from time to time, it will be the case,” see this really funny video “or” Here is this fun picture that someone sent me. “In both cases, the idea is to return them to personal conversation.”
“It is now a suitable time to speak, or should I return when finished?”
This approach is direct, but it is still respectful. Tessa Stocky, the therapist and its founder says ProjectA non -profit organization that helps families build healthy screen habits. “He gives them autonomy, while also honors your own needs,” she says. She found that her partner in the conversation realizes that she noticed that she is not fully present in many cases. All it takes to demand a reset.
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“I miss you when you are on your phone.”
Telling someone you miss comes from a place of weakness, not blame – studkyy loves that it is almost a guarantee tightening it on the hearts of your friend. “You express that the phone creates a distance, and that you want to call,” she says. In addition, it calls for sympathy: most people do not realize how the use of the screen affects others until it is gently referred to. Stucky adds that the trick is to say it warmly, sincerely, so it looks like an emotional pushing instead of a guilt journey.
“Can we take a 10 -minute phone break? I really want to catch a knee.”
Stucky says that someone’s demand to put his phone away from this short time of time is realistic – it is a very implemented break. You do not ask them to separate forever; Instead, you call a common moment. “People are likely to separate when there are clear limits and a good reason,” she says. In addition, it is a cooperative, just as it suggests a challenge for the team.
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“My friend, let’s call.”
Seven years ago, when Killingsworth was in high school, he struggled with the excessive screen time, he traded his smartphone for a Philip. He succeeded – he felt happy and more present – but his peers are still sticking to their phones, so he took things a step forward and started Re -callA group that now hosts empty -free events on the campus of universities throughout the United States
Ideally, there will be more opportunities to communicate free from the phone. But instead of official options, Killingsworth recommends bringing the concept to your friends: “We must try to accommodate without our phones at some point.” Speak through the reason for being with each other. Next, the next time you notice that your comrades focus on Facebook more than your face, version of a nice reminder.
“These moments are with you really interest me.”
If you are at dinner with friends, or spend a fun time with a family member, you will not be able to see him a lot, think about drawing attention to the importance of the moment. Even you can continue by adding: “I hate to look back and feel that we are missing because of our screens.” Technological addiction A textbook for the American Psychiatric Association. “It can be very strong,” he says, and leads to meaningful improvements in the quality of the relationship.
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“I noticed that when we are together, you are repeatedly on Tiktok, and this makes me feel that I ignore.”
Sherer says that focusing on the way that makes you use someone you feel can be more effective than “calculated” comments. You won’t go far by barking, “You are always on Tiktok! You don’t care about me!” Highlighting your own notes and how someone’s behavior makes you feel, however, plants can encourage them to reassess their habits. “The most important thing is to deal with it from a non -judicial position,” he says. “You are not there to write dogs on a person.”
“muskrat!”
The son of Stucky was at eight in the morning of Christmas when he noticed that some family members were more attention to their phones instead of watching it opened his gifts. It has come to an idea: The family can set the word silly symbol they have done every time they want to point out that it is time to drop devices and be in their vicinity.
After more than five years, the family still uses its word (“Muskrat”). “What I love is that my children can contact us with this word,” says Stuffyy. “We can summon them with this word. They grew up with it. It makes people examine themselves a little and say,” Well, I will put it in a moment – I must finish this email really quickly. “
I wonder what to say in a difficult social situation? Send an email to Timtotalk@time.com
